I want to tell you

[Jo]

Because I've heard it really helps to talk about it. I've seen people do this, but I don't say much about my feelings to other people. I'm not sure why, but it doesn't happen. I read what other people say, and they seem to feel better once they've written it down. What I'm writing now isn't exactly the easiest thing. And I'm sorry if you don't want to hear it. But I really wanted to tell someone, and over the internet seems like the easiest way.

For me at least.


So, recently. I've been thinking. A lot. About life and other things. And the things I've thought haven't been nice. And I keep thinking about these things. And I don't know why.

I thought that I didn't want to live anymore. And it really scared me.

Because I don't think I do.

[Uber Loodle]

And I'm horrible at giving advice, and the internet is the hardest way to give it.
But I do know that you've got to stick it out, and if you're questioning yourself, you've got to talk to someone.
Us being a pretty good start, since the more alone you feel in this the worse it'll be.

We luff you. <3

[Anne]

Lauren is right, you took an important step telling someone because when you let these things fester it gets dangerous.

When I was suffering really serious depression there were days where I would wish that I had never woken up; that I would just keep sleeping forever. I didn't want to die necessarily, nor did I want to harm myself, but there were times where I just didn't want to have to wake up and live through another day.

I think it's natural at certain times in our lives that we do end up feeling that way, and I'm sure something has triggered it for you. What's important is that you don't let these thoughts escelate into the serious consideration of suicide, or, even more importantly, that you don't act on such thoughts should they occur. If it gets to that stage then you really should seek help. Most schools have councillors (don't know about unis) and there are free hotlines and stuff ('cept those don't help with phone phobias) but, if you have the right kind of family then I would suggest you go to them, maybe just say you've been feeling this way. It was my mum more then anyone who helped get me through my rough patches.

But you always have us, too! We love you lots and lots! =3

[Jo]

Thank you, that does mean a lot to me. It really does. And I do love you all, too. And I'm so glad I have you. When I'm here I am in a different place, I'm a different person. It means the world to me.

I don't think it will come to suicide. Nor do I believe in self harm. That doesn't feel right to me. I have the thoughts, but not the actions. I used to think that because I couldn't go through with this because I was too weak.

I really don't know who to tell. I love my family and I know they would understand, but I don't think I have the courage to come out right with it and tell them. I have worries about it.
I was contemplating telling my tutor at college. We have organised meetings with him at some point this year. But I don't know how to go about it, and I know that if I start I will cry and not be able to stop.

Thank you. <3

[Monkey]

*squishes*

I've been where you are many times over, and from my experience, it never seems that bad a few days or a few weeks later. And talking does usually help, so talk to anyone you feel comfortable with. <3

[Ice]

Crying might actually help, too - like you said, letting it out is better than compartmentalizing it. I'm rather like you in the non-emotion-sharing department, so it's hard for me to comfort/really help other folks out, but like the others said, just hang in there. There's a reason for everyone to live, whether they know it or not. Also, sometimes helping other people helps, if you're feeling purposeless.

[Uber Loodle]

I'm going to comment again and sum up everything everyone said into my own thing.
That didn't make sense.
BUT. I'm quite like you and Ice and Anne and Monkey in the sense that I am a different person online than off, I'm not into the whole sharing feelings things, and I have gone through a serious rough patch, resorting to self harm once and only once, which I am not proud of in the least.
I am also like you in the sense that I love my immediate family dearly, but couldn't bear to tell them of the issues I felt I was dealing, and to this day they have no idea, which is pretty much eating away at me day after day.
Telling yous tutor is an excellent idea, and crying really isn't such a bad thing. In a strange way, it helps you, because people listen to you more clearly when you're crying, at least in my experience.

And we're always here, whether you're crying or not.

[Nick]

*noddles* We always will be. And sometimes it's a lot easier to let it out online or talk to some friends than just stay on the bed and let the depression sink in. I've gone through periods of just lazing around dejected and it really didn't help much. If you need a listening ear, we're always here.

[Sorie]

I fully agree with everyone.
I'm a little late, and I think everyone's basically covered what I wanted to say.