I don't have a good title

[Sofia]

So pretty much ever since kindergarten, I have been the one who thinks she's the funniest thing in the world, and that everyone loves her, only for as soon as she leaves for everyone to start talking about her. Over the last couple of months I've been tryng to fix that by no longer trying to be in a group that obviously doesn't want me. I've tried to stop caring what people think of me, and I think I've been sucessful, and Ive gotten close with a group of people that actually like and I at least hope likes me.

Now, tonight I did something stupid that I thought was funny but really wasn't at all, I would totally withdraw it if I could but it's way too late. I don't want to become that person that no one wants again and I feel like I am. I feel like a little kid again and it doesn't feel good.

On top of that everything I say to my dad short of "I love you so much, you're the best father in the world!" gets me yelled at and I really can't take it anymore. He whines and whines about I disrespect him but never gives me an ounce of it back. I can't believe that I have to spend four more years with this bastard, he's pretty much single-handedly ruined my childhood. I know it sounds like melodrama and hyperole but even as a four year old he would make me cry every night.

And then on top of that I'm dealing with the fact that I'm such a huge slacker. I had a research paper due today. I had THREE months to complete it and it still isn't done. I feel like my schoolwork is spinning out of control and I'm just helplessly flailing. I really want to have a good work ethic but it's just so hard for me. And the thing is that next year when I go to high school, a work ethic won't be something that would be nice, it will be something required. But what if I don't have it? I just know that I am going to fail.

I'm sorry that I'm posting this, rants are really annoying to read, but I just feel so alone right now and I need to talk to someone.

[Anne]

*snuggles Sofia* Feel assured that we like you when you're here and when you're not. It's not quite the same as a school social circle, but sometimes something is better then nothing. Furthermore, use the rant board all you like. It's here for a reason.

I can't really suggest a course of action for your friend circle troubles, so I wont bother commenting very much. But I do hope whatever it is that happened blows over and no one holds "it" against you.

Dads can be such assholes. The asshole ones can be, anyway. I'm no stranger to a damaging father, but at least I have the fortune of only seeing him on average 2 times a year. There's no real advice to give in your situation, because there isn't really a way to solve it except for one of the parties to leave. I trust you'll be looking at out-of-state unis? Or ones that are too far to commute to? x3

I don't think what you're describing is a simple matter of work ethic. Now stay with me here, because I don't remember the names of any of the chemicals/hormones I'm about to talk about xD So obviously you know the brain is made up of many different chemicals. For those of us with depression issues, the condition typically indicates an imbalance of these chemicals.
There is one chemical that controls our motivation, and when you don't have enough of it even waking up can be too much. It works in such a way that you could feel completely happy, have lots of good intentions toward accomplishing things, but because this chemical is absent you wont have the motivation to actually go through with any of the plans you make.

Of course sometimes you can push passed that with sheer force of will, but it's incredibly difficult and often there is no way to break through. Considering your father I wouldn't be surprised if you were depressed and this was actually you problem.

[Sorie]

Wahh. *hugs* I know how you feel, I already have a thread somewhere on here about my own social issues, and sometimes it's hard. I get paranoid about messing up friendships with one dumb slip, but it's really important to just talk about it. Even though it seems threatening and ominous, really discussing it does wonders. I always feel like every situation is unique, but I'd suggest talking to one of the people in the group that you feel especially comfortable with and ask how they felt about it, offer a sincere apology, and hope they can be honest with you. I'm just judging from the way you worded your post that what you thought was funny ended up being serious or offensive, not just unfunny.

I have little to offer on the father topic, as I grew up without one, and it wasn't by his doing. Obviously, don't let his words get to you, though I'm sure it's easier said than done. What I like to do when I feel emotionally abused is focus my energies on something that makes me happy, like snuggling up with a good children's movie and a cup of tea, or seeking out good photo opportunities. Of course, that method probably doesn't help with the whole motivation to do homework thing, on which I can't really offer anything other than I'm suffering in a similar fashion. I support Anne's chemical theory though.

I hope that helped... somehow.

[Sofia]

Thanks guys. <3

[Uber Loodle]

I'm really bad at giving advice, but I'm probably one of the world's best huggers.
*hugs*
<3

[Monkey]

NO *shoves Lauren off*
I'M A BETTER HUGGER. >
*hugs*